im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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