Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
