Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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