seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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