He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
