I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
