If that was your dad, he is hot
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
