But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
