I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
