I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
