Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
