My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
