Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
