Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
