The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
why do cheetos always look like penises
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
