I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
