Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
