I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
