just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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