So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
