This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
