i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
