Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
