i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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