I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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