I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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