Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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