my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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