I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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