I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
