I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
