Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
