Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
