flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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