Don't you send me to vm
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
