She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
