I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
