Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
