Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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