Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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