Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
