i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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