The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
