And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
