i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
