I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you didnt know i had herpes?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
