You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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