oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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