Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I need a beard to bite.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
