we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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