Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
