So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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