Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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